Dedicated to Vishal, who proved that dreams are possible and inspires me to live a well-rounded life. This is also dedicated to Appachin, who gave me the greatest gift, my mom.
A friend recently told me that deaths and births come in threes. I have never heard this saying, but the former part of that sentence has been proving to be true within the last week alone. Even when I turned on the TV this morning, the newscaster was talking about a famous actress who was currently in her last hours of life. Death is the one inescapable promise of life, yet it is the one thing we really do not see happening to ourselves or to the ones we love. That is probably what makes it so difficult; its unexpectedness and swiftness. Although one can be lingering alongside death for a months or even years, it only takes a mere second to cross the line from life to death.
With all that has occurred, naturally I began to think about my own life. Most days I wake up with the heavy feeling of dread in my heart. I just do not want to go on with another dismal day and would rather just sleep. There is no excitement to live, just the all-consuming desire to sleep. I wonder what the people who have passed away would think about this. They would probably give anything to have those few hours, which I snooze away. I need to learn the value of each and every day and that there is no other way to describe the gift of each day except as "priceless."
I have also begun to realize that I live too much for myself. I have set sea on a very selfish voyage and have often times not been able to see that there are people all around me who are drowning. I am not claiming to have all the answers, but I do have some that would be of great benefit to those around me. It is also true that sometimes those people don't even need answers, just someone to listen to their problems. Three years ago I wrote an entry about how living a life solely for oneself is so unfulfilling and settling. I am beginning to realize that all over again.
My plea to anyone reading this is simple:
Live your best life, and live it now.
Don't waste another moment thinking that you have another moment.
Take risks, and trust in the Lord.
Evaluate your dreams.
Make sure it is what you really want, and will bring you real joy.
If it is, fight for it with all the tenacity in the world.
Love everyone. Hate no one; Love your enemies as yourself.
Delight in smiles and laughter.
Take care of your body; it is the temple of God.
Don't be defeated by hardships; use them to learn.
Complete the masterpiece God has started,
and at the end of the day, at the end of a lifetime, give all the glory back to He who it has come from.
Having confidence in yourself is great, but if you believe only in yourself, then you are contributing all of your blessings and successes to yourself. This is not true, at least from a Christian standpoint. I am aware and conscious that this is not the right way to live life, so why have I chosen to believe in such an “untruth”? When I try to answer this question all that comes to mind is my exhaustion of simply being mediocre. No matter how hard I had striven, it seemed like I couldn’t surpass the mundane plane of mediocrity. Being average was not good enough for me, and so I ditched God and decided to do things my own way. I decided to carry my burdens on my own shoulders. Little did I know how weak my shoulders were…and how much my burdens actually weighed. All this time I had Someone carrying them for me, but was too arrogant to admit it. I am such a fool…
As I mentioned believing in yourself is perfectly fine. Believing and relying on others is fine as well. But if you believe in those things without believing in God, you are setting yourself up for failure just as I have. I think that is why people are so fascinated and infatuated with the notion of love. It is comforting to know that there is someone who can mend your wounds and wipe your tears. But people…are just people. They can only mend wounds, not heal them. They can only wipe tears, not dry them up.
Like I said, I don’t know how I got to this state of mass
confusion and despair.
I tried carrying my burdens myself, but ended up falling
and wounding myself.
I tried mending those wounds but the stitches only offered temporary relief and so...
I am left here bleeding and wiping away my tears, but find myself drowning in them instead.
I need God to dry them up for me again.
